FRONTIERS — February 14, 2006

Bar None — BY MICHAEL ANTHONY / PHOTOGRAPHY BY G.O. PARSONS

IT’S 4 A.M., AND YOUR INNER INSOMNIAC is glued to QVC’s nightly craptastic clearance because they’re selling exactly what your body dysmorphia never knew it needed.  “Yes, for just three easy payments of $99.95, Tony Little promises that you too can have the hot and taut Hollywood bod you’ve always desired in just eight minutes a day, three days a week!”  Never mind the barely visible disclaimer beneath the success story that highlights these dramatic results as atypical.  No bother that your personal outcome, even when combined with a healthy diet and intense regimen of cardiovascular exercise, will most likely… “vary.”  Credit card in hand, you pick up the phone and dial, and the only sweat that machine ever helps you break comes two years later as you drag it to the curb on trash day.

If that scenario sounds familiar, don’t fret; you’re not alone.

Every day, hundreds of AbCrunch-ing, Bowflex-able, TaeBo-ed and Gazelle-like devices make their way into SoCal homes, promising the ideal alpha-male physique with little to no effort.  But when Brad Pitt’s six-pack and Antonio Sabato Jr.’s pectorals don’t materialize, users are left disillusioned and disappointed.  Missing from these at-home fitness quick fixes are the guidance and support that a trained instructor and regimented exercise plan provide.

But with the overwhelming offering of workout classes available in the City of Superficial Angels, where’s the fitness novice to begin?  If callisthenic converts by the gymful are any indication, the Bar Method is L.A.’s latest and greatest must-try fitness method.  An engaging alternative to traditional cardio and weight-training routines, this unique workout combines the best elements of yoga, Pilates, and ballet to sculpt your posterior into prized perfection.

Flexifit (above) Joey Decker in a straddle balance pose.

By elongating and reshaping muscles at a rigorous pace, the Bar Method increases stamina and burns fat while creating a sculpted and firm physique, according to creator and company founder Burr Leonard.  Made up of nine strengthening exercises and stretching routines, these one-hour classes use your body’s own weight, challenging muscle groups while expanding your range of motion and endurance.

A typical class commences with stretches that focus on the hips, lower back, and chest; these warm-ups, long used by physical therapists for their curative power, improve body alignment and core posture.  Free weights and push-ups are then added to elevate the workout’s intensity.  Next, training with the ballet bar is introduced to incorporate abdominal and leg strengthening.  Finally, the class culminates with floor exercises that center on core work and cool-downs.

While noticeable results appear within as little as a month, the real payoff comes with continued attendance; regular sessions are recommended two to four times a week. 

Flexifit: Joey in a split.

Long-term Bar Methodists readily credit the program with reducing body fat, improving posture, firming muscle tone, and providing a strengthened core, increased energy, and extended youthfulness.  But most importantly, veteran instructor Joey Decker says, “It’ll give you a killer ass.”

The founder of the jazz-based dance company JADD Co., Decker has combined his mind/body expertise from years of performance with the unique ideology behind the Bar Method, making him one of the program’s most sought-after instructors. 

Between teaching classes at the studio’s West L.A. center and managing the company’s West Hollywood location, he truly stands behind this new-fangled fitness philosophy: “I wouldn’t push it if I didn’t believe in it… [but] it’s much more scientific than yoga or Pilates.  [The Bar Method] really works, and I think gay men will be absolutely astounded by the results!” Crunch times two — shown right, Joey does the ever popular curl with a ball.

Ever the devout gym-goer, I dropped by the West L.A. studio to see what all of the bar-related buzz was about.  Accustomed to intense workouts, I planned to participate in an advanced class; however, per the rules: “No first-timers in Level 2.  No exceptions.”  With a sarcastic roll of the eyes, I placated the policymakers and took a seat in a beginner’s session.

At 6:15, an affable and all-smiles Decker roused the class with his charismatic charm.  Handing me a 6-pound free weight, he encouraged me to “try my best to keep up.”  Was he kidding?  Try my best to keep up?  I came out of the womb curling 6-pounders!  Stretches; push-ups, and a ballet bar; oh my!  This girlie-man’s workout was going to be a low-carb cakewalk.

Or so I thought!

Within minutes, the warm-up had morphed into an all-out sweat session, with my trembling biceps imploring me to exchange the 6-pound weight for a 4-pounder.  (I eagerly complied.)  The stretches, in theory, were simple: but with Decker’s “helpful” reminders to keep my core engaged and toes pointed, even the slightest adjustments in positioning pushed me past the panged point of fatigue.  With uncontrollable tremors rocketing through my musculature, my sweat-drenched self stumbled to the ballet bar and held on for dear life.  And it was only 6:25!

Mustering all the flexibility of a 2x4, I powerhoused through the session, engaging muscles I never knew existed.  I’d be lying if I said the occasional pained whimper didn’t escape my lips.  Warning boys: This isn’t your momma’s Pilates hour!  But with the camaraderie of my classmates and a few technique simplifications care of Decker, I made it through the hour-long session with a whole new respect for (and fear of) the almighty bar.

So whether you’re looking for something to replace that hunk-of-junk ThighMaster or you simply want to give J.Lo a run for her money, check out the greatest ass-shaping fad to hit L.A. since the power-squat.  Your future bubble-butt will thank you for it!

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